Housework, Family, Chronic Ilness...getting it all done

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Lyn Lewis	Housework, Family, Chronic Ilness...getting it all done	Lead	[-]
Posts: 295 (08/19/08 13:45:43) Bronze Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Tags : None Hi Ladies, Much to my embarassment, I posted in the Sunroom pretty desperate the other day about how I feel at times that chronic illness and family just don't seem to mix. Yikes......I did get lots of good responses and care, of course, which helped as I've been feeling considerably down trying to manage cleaning, laundry, food prep, etc. and seems so hard with a family. You know you are bad off when you look past the blessing of a beautiful family and dream about crawling in bed when you need to and being a bit jealous of that in CI single people! I was wondering if we could start a thread here on more practical aspects of getting a family to spread out chores. As I said before, I have a 17, 12 and 8 year old. The 17 year old I think I just need to close the door on, love unconditionally and know I must focus on the two younger daughters. It just seems it takes SO much to get them to do things, it would be easier myself. Especially with my vocal pain. See, they know this and know it is so hard for momma to REPEAT herself, that I often just give up. The girls handle all animal chores here. Today I taught the oldest to do a load of the laundry from her and her sisters room...sucess!!!!!!!!!!! Any other ideas? I'll tell you my hardest problem. It is these kids dropping everything on the floor.....books, magazines, toys, shoes, blankets, EVERYTHING goes on the floor.....barrettes, a million ponytail holders.......can you tell I am stuck on this? Seriously, if they would just put things up and away, I could manage the dusting and vacuming better. Some weeks I am unable to vacume or mop at all with foot pain due to neuropathy and raynauds, but if I have to bend over to pick all up, I haven't got a chance. Anyone around to brainstorm????? Does any of this sound familiar?!?!?! Much Love, Jan Lyn
Sharon Sue		#1	[-]
Posts: 5260 (08/20/08 04:29:33) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Is your husband on board with making the kids help????? You both need to insist!!!!! Although you probably should have begun this about 15 years ago, that is the past and you must do what you can now. Please do not let the 17 year old get by with not doing anything!!!!! You are not doing her a service by letting her get out of it!!!!! I would have a sit down with the whole family, explain that they must help, that you cannot endanger your healh and they need to be responsible and caring. The bad behaviour must stop!!!!! Make it clear this is not an option, they will help out without complaining!!!!!!! Why should you pick up their mess?????? I would assign jobs, daily, weekly, etc. Set up a daily cleaning routine. Make sure they know how to do what you assign. Then set up consequences. Make the consequences tough-I find taking privileges away is the most effective. With the whole family working together you can get chores done and have a well kept home-it is not all your responsibility to clean up after everyone!!!!!! This is a mind set that will need to change in you before your family will stop using you in this way!!!!! They are all healhy, why are they not doing all the housework???? I do not mean to sound harsh but to accomplish what you need to you will have to get a little tough with them and I am just trying to make the need clear, for your good!!!!! I will be praying!!! ***Sharon Sue *** Child of the King. Wife to Dan for 32 years. Mother to Carrie 29, Katie 23, Ethan 13. Grandma to Lane 7yo, Kobie 5yo, Emma Claire 3yo and Owen 1 1/2yo. Home educator for 23 years. Live with FMS, CFS, MFP, severe headaches, Hyper-Somnia, Sleep Apnea, chemical sensitivities, neuopathy and cancer. "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."Daniel 3:17-18 Last Edited By: Sharon Sue 08/20/08 04:37:44. Edited 2 times.
Joyce65		#2	[-]
Posts: 297 (08/20/08 07:16:15) Bronze Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Amen Sharon Sue! Time for the family to pitch in and quit pitching fits! Put one of the kids in charge of the floor and have them place all items "left lying around in a designated basket or bag" and in three days it is gone. Now you can do the "gone" but can be redeemed by extra chores or "gone" File 13 (trash). There is no reason why you kids can't run the house, especially the 17 yo. Meals, including prep and clean up, laundry, etc... Husband should be a support to you and lay down the law. He is the master and should ACT like it. At our house everyone helps with everything. After supper everyone helps clear the table. I mainly put extra food away, but my husband and 15 yo daughter can both do that job when necessary. My husband does the laundry. The 15 yo does her own wash. The younger girls (11 and sort clothes, roll them and put them away. My kids have found rolling clothes means less wrinkles and faster work. We fold washcloths, dish towels, sheets and my husband likes his stuff folded so I can handle that, but the girls are totally responsible for their own clothes. Everyone can vacuum. I do have an extended family member who comes in and cleans for me every two weeks for $25 to do the kitchen floor, dust and vacuum the LR and bleach the bathroom....however the girls help when she isn't there, or the house needs extra tidying. Kids feel good about helping once they know how. My kids even know where the groceries go and put them away on Sat. morning. My husband goes grocery shopping on Sat. morning with one of the girls; they eat at the Shop Rite breakfast bar then do the shopping. Great bonding. I say all this to show you it can work. Are they always happy about it, no, but in the long run they will know how to run a house and be happier for it.Somehow the sunglass guy ended up in this post. My daughters are 11 and 8. Praying for a sense of unity and servanthood in your home!! Last Edited By: Joyce65 08/20/08 07:21:53. Edited 1 times.
MommyJoy	Kids Chores	#3	[-]
Posts: 1 (08/20/08 07:31:35) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Dear Ladies, We are dealing with this at our house right now and I wish I had so easy answers. For me this issue is just tough and there is no getting around it. I do find it helps to focus on chores in the summer....teach them what I expect, set up a system, and be very strict. Then during the school year and when life is busy they usually do OK. Right now my kids get no TV or computer time until they show an attitude change about chores. They must do their jobs to the very best of their ability, with a good attitude and clean up any messes they make without being told. We just moved and I feel like I am starting from scratch with everything! We moved to a smaller house and have cut the toys down to half which is a blessing for me and them I think. Hair bands are driving me crazy too! They are in the showers, on bathroom counters, all over the floor because my son shoots them! I told the girls that if I find them where they don't belong I will throw them away. When they need more they will have to do extra chores to earn money to buy more. Yesterday they ate oatmeal with no sugar as a punishment for not doing their morning chores well. This morning they we motivated to do much better. Hannah 10 Morning-makes bed, gets dressed, picks up clothes, brushes teeth and hair, feed bird, feed and walk dog (all the kids help with the dog), straighten bathroom, makes breakfast and cleans up the kitchen after. Afternoon-pick up toys Saturdays- cleans to bathrooms (we are just starting this) Natalie 8 Morning-makes bed, gets dressed, picks up clothes, brushes teeth and hair, feed cats and clean litter box, empties half of the dishwasher Afternoon-pick up toys Saturday- vacuums her bedroom, brothers bedroom and family room, and dust Caleb 6 almost 7 Morning-makes bed, gets dressed, picks up clothes, brushes teeth and hair, empties half of the dishwasher Afternoon-pick up toys Saturday-empties all small trash cans, waters plants, shakes small rugs, sweeps porch My husband is very busy with going back to school so he can't help a lot, but he is very encouraging. I am also pregnant and due in Feb. so I have huge motivation to get my kids ready. Setting all this up, being consistent and not giving up is so hard but, I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. Pray! God will help you figure out how to manage a workable system for your family. I had to visit the emergency room last week and have spent much of the this week in bed....I just mention that so you know I understand you there too. Be Blessed, Angie
Joyce65		#4	[-]
Posts: 299 (08/20/08 11:11:39) Bronze Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Angie; Congratulations!! Will be praying for this new little one who will soon join your family! Your family can help; kids will step up and pitch in. Eliminating the tv and computer when necessary can be a motivator. Best prayers and wishes for a safe delivery.... How are you feeling and has the pregnancy helped your illness at all. My lupus always seemed quieter when my pregnancy hormones were in full swing. I of course puke the whole 9 months; some trade off....
Lyn Lewis		#5	[-]
Posts: 297 (08/20/08 12:26:50) Bronze Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Hi Ladies, Wow, just checked back and am thankful for the discussion. I'm slowly getting over the mortification of posting so emotionally in the Sunroom. I just love it there, but have to admit, I like our small group here for when I am down and out more! For starters, congratulations Angie. What a nice family you have and will pray for your pregnancy and all. Hope all is well since the ER visit......ugh. Your practical advice in listing out the chores is something I think I really need to consider as part of life...part of our homeschooling to take it seriously and get all in order. My husband is great, but thinks he can help with it all. He just doesn't have the time. Really, he came from a family that does not "see" dirt or messes. Infact, bless their hearts, they can not see their diningroom table other than when they clear it for holidays. So, he has come a LONG way, but it's taken me to get this sick to understand I need help. During my 17 or so fibro years, I am not quite sure how he thought the house got cleaned. He always said that he needed to be told what to do and that I had already done everything. So, perhaps a lot is on my side. My son....Sharon, you crack me up, as I love the way you word things and are so correct.....well, son was better trained and then put in the PS for highschool when I got really ill. He blamed me for our adoption loss, the public school (although he preferred to be there,) and also now, my illness. So, you know, it's those teenage yucky years of dark gloom and staying in his bedroom. He rightfully so, has some adoption anger, but needs to be part of our family again and pull together over a crisis, not pull us all apart. That's what I told him last week. So far, no action. So, Dad needs to help reinforce it all. You know, I was blessed. When I crashed 2 years ago and couldn't take meds for laryngeal gerd and such (not realizing full blown autoimmune flare,) I had the Grands helping us. This was wonderful at first and I am forever grateful. It was a frightening time and I couldn't make food and such, but it was a time where the children were "pitied" as having a sick mom and babied and basically entertained and fed goodies and such. I don't want to sound disrespectful, but it was during that time, that all kid help came to a halt. Then they all pulled out and I was left with kids that were told they should be having "fun" constantly...social interaction constantly, and goodies and basically a free ride. They got used to it and I've had trouble recouping that time. I became so overwhelmed and upset as I could not regain authority from the two olders. The little one wants to please and help, but just simply needs training. My older daughter used to be able to even cook little meals. So, it's a matter of getting all back in it's place, which takes repetition and a strong voice, which I don't have...so painful! I'm going to take your advice, Joyce, and talk with husband about really overseeing some of this for me. It's kind of like coming out of the fog, I remember now a lot of what I used to do and just have to take back my home. I used to say one room at a time....you can't leave that room to trash another until the first one is cleaned up. I used to realize it was lunch time and use that to get the kids to take action....."Everyone is hungry and lunch is on the table, but don't come until the floor is picked up!" I think I am really coming through the fog of uncontrolled pain, depression from the shock of this autoimmune label and the uncertainty of treatment and realizing that I have to take the next step, then the next and next.....move on. I just feel we are a family, and it is all a family problem, not simply mine. God wants to teach me lessons, but them as well. Does that make sense? My extended family seems to see it as I am sick and they need to go and do and live their lives separate from me and have one big party.....odd. I want them to have joy and freedom, but there are certain responsibilities that must be learned whether their is chronic illness in the house or not. Amen?!? Sorry, I am really rambling on a roll here........ Thanks for all the ideas and support, Jan Lyn
shar4j		#6	[-]
Posts: 1662 (08/27/08 08:51:14) Room Caretaker Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I have trouble with the house being a mess all the time also. Caitlin has had a migraine since 6/6/08 and really doesn't feel up to doing a lot of chores, most of the time I don't either and I have a really hard time bending over to pick stuff up off the floor with my inner ear balance problem. So most of the picking up get set on Tyler's shoulders. He is a typical teen male who just doesn't see the mess. And his way of cleaning is to shove everything into bags or put everything 'hid' in the corners. So next thing I know I have about 5-6 bags of times that need to be put away in the 'right' place. I came home from taking Caitlin to the Dr recently, and Tyler had 'cleaned' by putting everything 'hid' behind the couch. ugh! I spend so much time making him do it right. He has had to wash the same dishes 4-5 times to get them clean. I don't know why he won't do things correctly the 1st time and then move on the something fun. ~wife of Bob, mom of William 31, Matt 21, Caitlin 16, Tyler 15~ *~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~**
Joyce65		#7	[-]
Posts: 307 (08/27/08 10:41:46) Bronze Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	I think the toughest thing about chronic illness is just asking for help. We feel as though we somehow are supposed to do it all; well I can tell you I am way over that one! It is a humbling experience, but one that is necessary if for no other reason than to teach our children how to be helpers and givers instead of takers.
Sharon Sue		#8	[-]
Posts: 5267 (08/28/08 04:10:21) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	KIDS!!!!!!!! Good thing they are cute as babies or we would have given them back right then and there!!!!! No matter how we feel or what stresses we have in life, God still expects us to be the adult and raise them well!!! Not always easy but God never gives us a job in which he doesn't equip us for. Hang in there ladies!!!! I can attest to the fact that the hard work is worth the effort!!! I say this after making my ds dust his room 3-4 times Saturday and sweep the bathroom three times yesterday before it was acceptable!!!!! God has equiped me with stubborness-it works!!!!! You would think after 30 some years my kids would get it that Mom is not going to give up, but no, they think like kids!!! The great part is that my two daughters who are adults-one with four of her own are doing well and are using my example in their adult lives-they often reference some of the things I taught them or some stubborn attitude I exhibted as they were growing up!!!!!! They will say, "Mom, you will like this .....", then they tell me some story and how they handled it like I would have, saying the exact thing I would have!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I love it!!!! Remember we are raising them into adulthood, the childhood will pass, it is important what they learn so they will use it later!!!!!! ***Sharon Sue *** Child of the King. Wife to Dan for 32 years. Mother to Carrie 29, Katie 23, Ethan 13. Grandma to Lane 7yo, Kobie 5yo, Emma Claire 3yo and Owen 1 1/2yo. Home educator for 23 years. Live with FMS, CFS, MFP, severe headaches, Hyper-Somnia, Sleep Apnea, chemical sensitivities, neuopathy and cancer. "If we are thrown into the blazing furnace, the God we serve is able to save us from it, and he will rescue us from your hand, O king. But even if he does not, we want you to know, O king, that we will not serve your gods or worship the image of gold you have set up."Daniel 3:17-18
Lyn Lewis		#9	[-]
Posts: 306 (09/01/08 04:28:18) Bronze Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Just got back from Vermont and found your two more posts here. Yes, I think for me the toughest thing is in asking for help. I can't stand it. My husband has always held firm to this one, that if I only tell him what I need he will do it. I always figured if you have to ask, the person really is not to keen on doing whatever......he feels I do things ahead of giving him that chance. A lot of truth to that and I am learning that he has the best of intentions.......just works on a differing time frame than I do! Sharon....all your honesty and icons there really has me smiling..........wheww, I feel better now. I will go ask for that help as we got in after 10:00 last night and have an entire family to unpack. What part of vacations are for resting?!? Good to be back and "see" you all here. Jan Lyn
MommyJoy	chores	#10	[-]
Posts: 2 (09/04/08 12:34:21) Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Hi, It is so good to here all your stories and I will be praying for you! My health is doing much better! We even started school this week! One more thing we started was I check the morning chores before breakfast. If they are not done right they don't get any sugar in their oatmeal. This works well for me because I am not forcing them to miss and meal, but they are not enjoying what they have. Lyn, Wow, I will be praying for you! I have been nearly bedridden at one time so I understand a bit of what you must be feeling. Is there a way you could use a bell, sign language, whistle, fog horn ....something to help you get your kids attention when you need to call for them? Maybe right out a chore chart for everyone including your husband so they all know what to do and you don't need to repeat yourself too much. I hate asking for help as well, but I don't have any choice I am used to it most of the time. Other times I still fight it and make myself sick. (Smart) My pregnancy is going well. I am 16 weeks along now. Angie
Lyn Lewis	Housework, Family, Chronic Ilness....getting it all done	#11	[-]
Posts: 307 (09/06/08 13:04:44) Bronze Member Reply Quote More My Recent Posts Message Me Connection Blocking Invite Ignore User's Posts	Good to hear good news Angie! I just wanted to let you know that my new chore chart is front and center on my refridgerator! I'll let you know what happens, but trying to shape up the gang here now. Blessings, Jan Lyn