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Just a note to let you know, Cindy, that I can't wait to buy the book. (Hopefully by Monday.)

In the meantime, yes, I do believe that vanity can influence and affect our home-educating, pocket book and health. It's easy at times to feel in competition in all these areas when we look at how others around us are doing.

I told you I was going to buy the book...

and it has me losing sleep! I read chapter 6, then went back to chapter 1 and couldn't put it down. Now I don't remember what was in chapter 6.

Just know that I'm reading and will get back with you...

Wow... I don't know where to begin. This has been such a difficult day for me because I'm remembering my "old" life and working on being content here and now.

We lived in the country with acres of land for almost 20 years. There were trees and fields, a lake and barn, cows and dogs.

After Steve was injured at his job, he was home every day for two years. When Steven went to New Tribes, because of Steve's back and my Lupus, etc., all the outdoor responsibility was put onto Geoffrey.

Maybe when you think of a 15 year old farm boy, you think of a strong, strapping kind of guy. He's not. He was created just like God wants him to be. He's about 5 feet tall and weighs 83 pounds sopping wet. Everything about him is smaller except all the stuff that counts for eternity.

We prayed a very long time for guidance and knew the time had come to leave the farm and move into an apartment closer to town. Our farm house was an over 100 year old cottage snuggled on 85 acres. When the time came to move we realized that age of wood, mold, never ending dust, etc. was much of the cause behind my years of illness. We got rid of all furniture except wooden dressers because of mold, so when we moved into the new place, we bought everything new. What we have is the first brand new anything we'd ever had... except underwear Everything I ever bought was used or given to me.

At the farm we always had drop-in company. Everyone loved being there. It was a place to put your feet up, sit on the front porch rockers, feed carrots to the cows while hanging up clothes and walk the dogs to the lake.

Was I content? Oh, yeah!! But the effort outdoors was overpowering and it wasn't fair for Geoffrey to be responsible for it all.

There's nothing I need in our new home. When we left the farm, we used the $ wisely. And to be honest, I feel guilty now when people come to visit. People now take off their shoes because they don't want to mess up the carpet, instead of taking off their shoes for comforts sake.

What we have is a gift from God. Steve's accident was not of his own doing but of God's, and because of the event, God brought us to a place of being able to have things we never would have had before.

One way God protected us over time was that with Steve working at BMW, most people could not understand why we did not do what the majority of employees did. Instead of buying a bigger better house in a new subdivision, we stayed in our 900 sq. foot cottage. We kept our '73 Chrysler and '82 Olds rather than buy into Z3's or X5's. We did not change the way we spent on clothes but continued to get what we needed from Goodwill.

I've cried a lot today. We've lived here less than a year, and I miss the "old" days. I miss the cottage and the farm. I miss having dogs and cows. I miss being where no one else is close by. I miss space. I miss the magnificent sunrise and awesome sunset. In fact, I've always believed that God created the sunsets just for me, but I don't see them from the apartment. I miss fishing at the lake and walking in the fields.

Am I content? Mmmmm... not today. Today, less was more. And I miss less. I know that I'll wake up tomorrow and probably feel totally different. "Joy comes in the morning." That's my assurance.

Am I thankful for what I have. Oh, yes!! Everything is so beautiful and I've learned to say to friends, "Thank you. This was all a gift from God," without feeling I have to give excuses.

I was doing fine until I began reading Calm My Anxious Heart. If someone came in tonight and stole everything, I can honestly say, it would be ok. The only things I care deeply about are Steve, Geoffrey and Sassy (our kitty), my Bibles, certain books and CD's. But the most important are the living 'things'. And actually, when I think about it, absolutely everything can be replaced. Just as with Job, everything was given back doubly, plus his family was in heaven. What a thought!!

So, now that I've had my therapy session for this evening.. think I'll check the prayer forum and go make supper. How thankful I am for a place to spill my guts, lay my heart out bare for you to see, and know I won't be criticized or rebuked. Thank you for loving me anyway.

Thanks for your words!

Yes, though I'm in a Lupus flare, my joy is renewed and my thinking is different this morning. I'm satisfied. What a great thought to know that God has me in this place for healing. Not only the physical process, but spiritual, emotional and mental. I also see it in my family, and that makes it all better. The truth is, God knows we can't live on a farm or even home with yard. Here at the apartment everything outside is taken care of twice a week! And to top it ALL off... God has sent us cardinals and wrens, sparrows and even Baltimore oriels and Carolina wrens !! We have squirrels and chipmunks and birds right at our livingroom and office windows. God knows how much birds mean to me. I think it's the freedom in flight. Right now we're having an 'ice-storm' (of all things in February), but there's a bird just singing away out there enjoying himself. I know God's giving me that gift this morning, and I'm very happy!