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I guess I'm getting a bit off the topic of "What if..." Some of my kids have spots too. I'm sort of in denial of that one. Hoping they will supernaturally disappear, that maybe this is normal for kids. I have had periods of time where some pigment began returning. I was freckled with new pigment dots. Each summer they tend to do this and then disappear again. I have never connected this with stress. Generally summer is a busy time but I am more active, feel better, and am way more relaxed. Last summer was awful for me and I got no freckles. Very interesting.

I also have a son who we just now suspect might have Celiac Disease so we have changed his diet. He's not too pleased but he feels better. I seem to have inherited the weaker genes from my parents. I hate to see my kids develop these things at such a young age but God has been gracious to me and His grace is also sufficient for them. They are young and hopefully learning about living a balanced life and how to rest in Christ. I was very driven and perfectionistic, before I became ill and as a child I had no realistic concept of the love of God and an incredibly negative environment despite the fact that we went to church every week. I praise Him for the opportunity He has given me to teach my children how to have a relationship with Him when they are young.

Debby, everytime we sing "White As Snow" I will remember you. What a blessing you are.

There are so many I would have to write a book of the scriptures that have helped me along the way. The one that stands out in my mind is Romans 8. It am drawn back to it time and again. I can feel so guilty and defeated by my own irrational thinking and behavior, I need to be reminded that "there is no condemnation for those who do not walk according to the flesh". Well, even when I walk according to the flesh the condemnation I experience comes from me not my Father. 1 John 3:20 "For if our heart condemns us, God is greater than our heart, and knows all things."

I need to remind myself of the reality of "Christ in me the hope of glory". (Col. 1:27) and read Romans 8:2 "For the law of the Spirit of life in Christ Jesus has made me free from the law of sin and death." I am reminded that Christ is the righteous requirement of the law (vs. 4) and His presence dwells within me by the Spirit. He is free and perfect and complete.

I have been stretched again and again with my health and emotions to surrender myself to Him and learn how to live out of His life within me instead of my flesh. I know very well that the carnal mind, the flesh nature, that is in opposition to the Spirit. The flesh cannot please God (vs. . I also understand that if my flesh cannot please God the work of transformation in me is not my doing but something that Christ is doing in me. I just need to learn to submit to Him and let Him work out this process in me.

I stand in awe of Him many times as He brings me to the end of myself so He can have His way in me. My "old man" is a tough (stubborn and independant) old girl and surrender is difficult. Part of growing up in hell I often say. This was the way I learned to cope and survive. But what was my salvation has become my enemy and God is taking back His rightful position as head and Lord of my life. It's been a 20+ year process thus far.

vs. 18 "For I consider that the sufferings of this present time are not worthy to be compared with the glory which shall be revealed in us." This encourages me as I deal better with the present when I can see the goal I am being brought to. Being perfected in Him.

The Lord has been speaking to me about vs. 26 "Likewise the Spirit also helps in our weaknesses. For we do not know what we should pray for as we ought, but the Spirit Himself makes intercession for us with groanings which cannot be uttered." Regardless of where I'm at, I have One who is constantly interceding on my behalf. What a blessed hope we have in our Beloved Saviour who delivers us and saves us from ourselves over and over again. I could expound on this for hours but I will leave you with that today.

In spite of the trials of the present, I am more in love than ever. My hope is in the Living Word that dwells within me. When I'm really in a bad place I go to the bush and walk or sit by the creek and allow Him to speak to me directly. I have alot of neck pain and can't always read my Bible and this has taught me how to listen more and read less. I am overwhelmed and amazed at the words of love He lavishes on me when I feel the most defeated. He also reminds me of scriptures that are already planted in my heart. I am more and more consistently nourished by the presence of His life in within me. I feel very connected to Him and long and ache to dwell in internal peace and unity when I fall out of it for a time. God is good, everything I need. In Him there are no what if's.

Thanks Debby for sharing this.

Isaiah 45:7 "I form the light, and create darkness: I make peace, and create evil. I the LORD do all these things." God is totally in control. And no matter what comes into my life had to be approved by Him.

This verse had brought alot of clarity to things for me. I have found great peace and rest in knowing that He is sovereign over all things. He has been teaching me to rest in the assurance that He is working all things out for good. Even the really "bad" things that life has thrown my way. This understanding has changed my life. I love the poem that was posted today as a "Rose for Briar".

I am no longer responsible for changing who I am because of my past but He is. I am no longer responsible for my family, our homeschool, my marriage, etc... He is. That doesn't mean I just let everything fly to the wind, it means that when I begin taking on the worry, fear, anxiety, busyness, etc... of being the one responsible and give it back to God and rest in His strength and ability He guides me along without me having to get stressed about anything.

This one revelation has freed me up immensely, when I remember to live in it. We tend to see things as black and white, good and bad, right and wrong but God sees a journey leading to a desired outcome. I think He is less concerned with the black and white and more concerned with the finished product. Praise God He is in everything in our lives even the bad, the awful and the ugly and He uses it all for His glory. I admit this is beyond my comprehension but I also know that the experience of my life has given me a heart of compassion and intercession. These things are born out of suffering. "Even Christ learned obedience through suffering." Praise God He is treating me as a son. See Heb. 12:3-11 vs.11 "Now no chastening (discipline) seems to be joyful for the present, but painful; nevertheless, afterward it yields the peaceable fruit of righteousness to those who have been trained by it." We are all disciples (learners). The word discipline comes from it.

Bless you all today as you learn to walk in Him

That's an interesting verse Debby, one I have pondered too. So I looked up the Greek for that word obedience and the definition is "attentive hearkening" ie. (by implication) "compliance or submission". So even though Jesus was without sin He needed to learn to listen attentively and obey. Remember in the Garden He sweated great drops of blood. There is actually a scientific explanation for that. When the body is under intense stress this will occur. Imagine the intensity He endured as He begged His Father to "take this cup from me" and struggled with such intensity to resign Himself to the Fathers will.

Yes, how much more we, who so easily walk in our sin nature, need to be trained to walk in His ways, listening attentively and obeying. I don't know about you all but the listening and hearing isn't a problem it's the obeying. I can be so filled with life from His gentle words and then turn around and get my focus all distorted again. This is where the disciplining comes in. We don't expect our children to just one day wake up all grown up and mature, nor does God. He knows we are in a process and is patiently training (discipling) us up.

I believe the example of Christ's life which eventually brought Him to death and then into a resurrection body is the most significant thing that gives us hope. Our Father is also bringing us to the death of ourselves in order that His glory be revealed in us. "We are heirs of God and joint heirs with Christ, if indeed we suffer with Him, that we may also be glorified together." Rom.8:17,18 And are we not impatiently waiting for Him to be the head of our life in a complete way so that we are no longer walking after the flesh but entirely controlled by His Spirit. "Creation eagerly waits for the revealing of the sons of God." 8:19 It is good that we know that He also struggled to obey and did it perfectly. This gives me hope.